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We all walk the same thorny path through various doors of uncertainty and despair. If we could only see beyond the darkness, maybe we wouldn’t be so afraid…so angry…so drenched in hopelessness. Maybe we wouldn’t be so crushingly disappointed in a God who too often seems absolutely cold and indifferent to our suffering. If He is a God who loves us, why would He allow those who have caused horrific wounds to walk free? Our tormentors may appear unscathed by the slightest remorse of conscience and perhaps even mock us in our unbearable pain. Pain that they have caused.
I’ve walked through years of these doors and admittedly grown tired of them. I realize that each door is a gift wrapped in adversity, but I simply grew weary of reaching into the light to only find one more of these doors. The gift that I found not long ago came as a soothing, gentle reassurance in the middle of the night while I was grieving the loss of Molly. I wondered if she was happy, and I prayed to know that God loves her at least as much as I do.
A voice of comfort came to me just as a band of morning sky began to light my room .”Death is like waking up from a bad dream to find that no one really died, and everything is still in its rightful place. It was only a dream. But what we have learned from inside this dream will make all the difference”.
What could I learn from that horrible experience with Molly? Nothing could ever compensate me for that kind of cruelty. I didn’t want to learn anything at Molly’s expense. Molly is and was far too precious to be placed on that brutal alter. And how could I possibly forgive?
The woman who did it felt I had insulted her months earlier, but I was completely innocent of any wrongdoing. She laughed at me while I screamed and wept over Molly’s little body. The hurt was far too deep to even pretend to let go and forgive. I was initially so distraught that I could only sleep by passing out from exhaustion. Later, her lawyer told me that this woman “had just made a mistake, and we all make mistakes.”
I learned then that love is not something we do; it is something that we become. Love does not torture animals.
There were people who found me ridiculous for being so attached to a dog. They seemed to feel that love is a lot like money in a wallet. We have to carefully dole it out and be prudent in how we spend it. A person who has become love has a heart that showers their world with a steady flow of compassion. This kind of love can’t be confined or limited to those ‘special enough” to deserve our attention. I know what it feels like to be deemed not ‘special enough’ t0 be cared for. Becoming love qualifies us to uncover the brilliant light of divinity within ourselves.
Molly was marginalized because she is a dog. We are watching our world fall apart today as people are marginalized because of political affiliations, skin color, religion, wallet size, and appearance. Many of them receive Molly’s fate. Fortunately, no one except God can decide the worth of His creations, and He said not even a sparrow falls to earth without his awareness.
There were those who were sure that this prominent woman couldn’t possibly have done it. They told me I must be mistaken. They told me that my dog was probably sick and would have died anyway. Molly wasn’t sick. I remembered that woman’s laughter and how it has followed me into my nights. I learned then that experience really is the language that binds all hearts together in healing. No one could tell me what “really happened”. The experience was carved in ragged images into my wounded heart and mind.
I also learned that heaven is all around us. A huge chunk of heaven would be walking Molly down our favorite street in our beautiful German village while Autumn leaves put on a dazzling show. It would be embracing departed family members and friends and pets that have left me behind in tears.
I have learned that my heaven is not streets of gold or jeweled entrances to luxury. No mansion could be as beautiful as the faces of those I love.
It says in the Bible that “the kingdom of God is within”. Maybe the path to heaven is becoming the level of love, gratitude, and appreciation that makes us suited to walk with Him. If I ever reach this beautiful heaven, Molly will be one of those who took me there. Heaven really is a place for those who love. Without love, it would have no meaning or purpose.
